No Swimming! a RANT!!!!

I thought swimming would be a good exercise for me as I've given up my gym membership (not that I went much anyway)
But we have 3 outdoor pools in the neighborhood and beautiful weather so....

well I though a little swim would be good, I've been 3 times....here are the problems...

too many Kids
too many Babies
too many parent of kids
too many grandparents of kids
too many pool toys
too many inflatables
all people are oblivious to a paranoid pregnant girl who doesn't need a little s*** jumping in on her, and NO I DON'T THINK HE'S CUTE OR CLEVER, JUST CAUSE HE CAN NOW JUMP IN ON HIS OWN, FREAKY PARENT! if he comes near me again I'll drown him!
and NO I don't want you to swim through my legs, miss and whack me in my Fanny! (that's a front bottom in the UK)
I'M NOT PLAYING!!!

I'm also worried I'm gonna get:
kicked
dive bombed
elbowed
Squirted with water shooter
squirted with a little boys water shooter!
Dunked
goosed


worried I'm going to ingest:
pee
poo
sick
snot
saliva

and on top of all that...it feels weird, like my belly is hanging too low and uncomfortable.

oh and floating seems to be hard too, you'd think it would be easier to float now I look like a barrel, but no I'm a sinking barrel!

Best laid plans,

R x